They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
