SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
