dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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