that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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