I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize