i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
