You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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