im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
