I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
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Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?