i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You were trust falling into bushes