This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.