you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy