Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
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I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
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I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.