Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."

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  (407): Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything." http://tfl.nu/1ue8
  Replies (35) Good night (17313) Bad night (925)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha

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  (717): I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha http://tfl.nu/f9u5
  Replies (40) Good night (4321) Bad night (807)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick

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  (412): He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick http://tfl.nu/s4cq
  Replies (18) Good night (9377) Bad night (1513)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.

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  (608): I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her. http://tfl.nu/42b2
  Replies (6) Good night (3212) Bad night (877)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.

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  (618): Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it. http://tfl.nu/ym59
  Replies (6) Good night (2418) Bad night (843)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again

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  (571): you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again http://tfl.nu/ac3x
  Replies (5) Good night (3151) Bad night (1169)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.

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  (+44): So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went. http://tfl.nu/a2g3
  Replies (4) Good night (731) Bad night (923)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.

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  (517): Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/zmql
  Replies (15) Good night (1549) Bad night (666)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though

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  (704): I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though http://tfl.nu/2ftm
  Replies (2) Good night (871) Bad night (1180)
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  (925): View more from California

  We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts

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  (925): We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts http://tfl.nu/eq30
  Replies (7) Good night (1710) Bad night (458)
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  (714): View more from California

  She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.

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  (714): She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap. http://tfl.nu/1x8o
  Replies (10) Good night (534) Bad night (1261)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?

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  (808): Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space? http://tfl.nu/h1sf
  Replies (12) Good night (1298) Bad night (697)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.

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  (+44): She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn. http://tfl.nu/qwtm
  Replies (0) Good night (598) Bad night (320)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(

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  (613): I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:( http://tfl.nu/jd5u
  Replies (3) Good night (414) Bad night (235)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.

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  (978): Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story. http://tfl.nu/gzmk
  Replies (2) Good night (481) Bad night (245)

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