I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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