I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
