Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
