Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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