Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
