Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
