oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
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There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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