she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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