The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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