In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
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