Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You just made me feel so damn special
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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