I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
