We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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