your parents love me but you hate me
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
