your parents love me but you hate me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
