RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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