I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
