Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize