don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
