he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
