Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
