I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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