i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
