You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
