you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
