Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
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I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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