your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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