I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
