If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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