first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
