you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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