she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
