you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
