My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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