No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
