Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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