mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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