next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize