So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
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I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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