i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
