Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
