it hurts more in the daytime
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
