TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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