Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
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I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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