my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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