I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
