I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
no, he came in my armpit
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
