My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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