Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
