Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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