dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
