Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
