Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize