You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
