Moan for me like Helen Keller
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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