Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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