I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
