wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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