I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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