if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
