I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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