Too much gin, very little bucket
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
