Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize