I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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