Capitaan dildo arrescate!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
